


You're Here, Where You Should Be

by lululawrence



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, American Harry, American Louis, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Childhood Friends, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Party, Couch Cuddles, Demisexuality, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Genderswap, Girl Direction, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Smut, One Shot, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-25 20:09:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululawrence/pseuds/lululawrence
Summary: Harry gave her mother a wide, pleading grin and finally gave up on her hair. It had been only a marginally decent hair day anyway. No one here cared if it looked nice or not, so messy bun it would be.Hands caught in making sure all her hair was up and not held so tight as to give her a headache, Harry (naturally) had her arms up when she froze in shock.Louis Tomlinson was in her family room.Or three years after having last seen her best friend, Louis shows up at the Christmas party Harry's family throws every year. Old feelings might not be as buried as Harry had thought.





	You're Here, Where You Should Be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [haloeverlasting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/haloeverlasting/gifts).



> BRIT! I was gonna say a whole lot, but then you'd definitely know who I am. This probably already gave it away. Too bad. I love you. I hope you like this fluffy girl direction you so kindly requested on the fic podcast. (Just fyi, though, I already had this planned before I heard that on the podcast hehehe)
> 
> Thank youuuuuu to everyone who helped me! That includes [Mollu](http://becomeawendybird.tumblr.com) for her ever amazing beta and demi-pick, [Cece](http://larryandgaystuff.tumblr.com) for her demi-pick and support in hiding this from her GF, and [Emmu](http://londonfoginacup.tumblr.com) for asking Brit all the questions I had while writing and before writing and for helping me feel like it wasn't shit since I'd never written a full girl direction fic before. You're all heroes and amazing and I AM SO BLESSED! 
> 
> Title is from Underneath the Tree by Kelly Clarkson.
> 
> Also please note, the ace experiences and identity outlined in this fic is incredibly personal and only indicative of one possible way it could feel and be for someone. Please don't take this definition of demisexuality as hard and fast. I also slipped in a bit of my own experiences with ace-flux, but those are only alluded to and not fully fleshed. Just know I put them there lovingly. Thank you!

Harry was running late. This wasn’t all that unusual, Harry was almost always late. She never really thought it was an issue until Louis moved away and she realized that even without her best friend making her even  _ more _ late, she was regularly late on her own.

It had been three years since she had seen Louis, but every time she was stressed and feeling her entire body tense up as she sped across town trying to make it in time for whatever she was rushing to that time her thoughts strayed to her childhood best friend.

They still were good friends. At least, Harry thought so. Maybe they only sent texts on birthdays and the occasional holiday, but she felt that once you had been friends with someone through your awkward teenage years, you were friends for life.

So, with absolutely no one but herself and the fact she had gotten so distracted by a new photoshoot of her current obsession, Maya Jama, to blame, Harry prayed the cops would be home for the night so she would only be about an hour late to her parents’ annual Christmas Eve party.

Harry loved their Christmas party. Her mom always made fifty gazillion different kinds of desserts, at least four different punches with varying levels of alcohol, and a kitchen full of delicious savory snacks. It took her over a week to prepare, and that was just the food. The guests that came also went caroling up and down their street, distributing cookies at every house - each box also prepared by her mother - before coming back to one of the men waiting for them, dressed as Santa for all the kids before everyone headed home.

Essentially, Anne Twist was a saint. She was not above killing her daughter for missing so much of the party, though. Harry was late enough now that she might even miss the beginning of the caroling, which would be awful. That was the best part, aside from the food.

Throwing the car into park several houses down, Harry rushed past the row of cars lining the street that promised a full house and prepared herself for the wrath of her mother. Not bothering to knock, Harry carefully opened the door to be sure not to bowl over any kids, and removed her shoes and coat as she studied the room.

It was packed with people, as she expected, but there were two young children she didn’t recognize playing together on the floor. Harry thought she knew all of the kids who would be in attendance, it was usually the same families every year, but pushing that aside, she made her way to the kitchen where she was sure to find her mom.

“Harry, how kind of you to finally grace us with your presence,” Anne said, once she caught sight of Harry.

Wrapping her mom in a hug, Harry said, “I’m so sorry I’m late. I lost track of time.”

Pulling back, Harry swiped her hair off her neck. She’d stressed herself into a sweat. How incredibly  _ not _ attractive.

“When do you not?” Anne said with a sigh. 

Harry gave her a wide, pleading grin and finally gave up on her hair. It had been only a marginally decent hair day anyway. No one here cared if it looked nice or not, so messy bun it would be.

Hands caught in making sure all her hair was up and not held so tight as to give her a headache, Harry was in an awkward position when she froze in shock.

Louis Tomlinson was in her family room.

Blinking fervently, Harry tried to keep breathing. Was she imagining things? She couldn’t be, right? Harry missed Louis, but she’d never gotten to the point of conjuring up the image of her friend before.

Louis looked so much the same and yet so different from how she had when she’d left for school. When she had first left, Harry was soothed because even though Louis was somewhere thousands of miles away, she would still come home for the holidays. But then, less than two months after Louis went to school, her family moved to another state, therefore giving Louis no reason to ever return to their sleepy town in nowheresville, USA. 

Back then, Louis had been wearing her hair cropped short, hair streaked with blonde highlights from spending so much time in the sun. Now it was possibly longer than Harry’s own, reaching almost halfway down her back in a tumble of loose waves. It was darker, too, making her look even more pale and delicate than Harry ever remembered.

She was gorgeous.

It was only when Harry came to this conclusion and was making note of the way the butterflies were definitely taking flight within her belly that she realized the reason she was able to see Louis’ blue eyes so vividly. They were just as clear as she remembered, but she was able to see them because Louis was now looking at her as well.

And Harry had her arms raised, fiddling with her messy bun. An excellent reintroduction.

Dropping her arms and trying to make a mental note to fix her hair later, Harry made her way through the crowd of people eating and chatting until she was standing in front of Louis.

“Louis, hi,” Harry said, smiling. “I had no idea you were going to be here! It’s so good to see you.”

Louis shrugged and smiled. “I didn’t know until recently either. I tried texting you, but I got some guy named Mitch instead, so I guess you changed your number.”

Harry rolled her eyes. “Yeah. I asked the phone company to suspend my number while I was studying abroad, but they canceled it entirely so I had to get a new number when I came back.”

That had been just over a year ago. Had it been that long since she’d texted Louis? 

Louis sighed, smile wide, and she turned to put her plate of cookies down before turning to Harry with arms open wide.

“Come and give me a cuddle, hmm? I’ve missed your hugs. It’s been too long, H.”

Harry sank into Louis’ embrace and sighed. She really had missed the feeling of Louis’ arms around her and her soft body against her own.

Once upon a time, Harry had thought this might be her forever. She’d pined after Louis from the time she was thirteen and realized she liked girls. But then Louis moved away before Harry ever worked up the guts to say anything, and life went on. 

Harry had gotten over Louis, obviously. That’s what happened after three years. Harry maybe still compared everyone she went on dates with to Louis, but she was working on it. Mostly. Or at least that’s what she told Niall whenever she asked.

“So, seriously,” Harry said, once she pulled back and snagged one of her mom’s miniature brownie truffles. “What planets had to align for you to be here?”

Louis arched her brow and smirked before popping one of the lil’ smokies in the crock pot beside them into her mouth. Once she’d swallowed, Louis said, “It’s permanent, actually. Mom was offered a promotion and a huge raise if she accepted at the hospital here, so we’re back.”

Hope was filling Harry’s chest, but things couldn’t be this easy. “Even you? Don’t you have another year or two left for your engineering degree?”

Louis scrunched her nose before flipping her fringe out of her eyes. “Yeah, uh, that didn’t really pan out.”

Harry thought back to what she knew about Louis’ schooling. Last she’d heard, it was their sophomore year and things had been going well. Or at least, that’s what Louis led her to believe.

“No?”

Louis shook her head. “Things were rough, I lost my scholarship and I wasn’t as into it as I had been. I decided to take some time off and figure things out. So, here I am!” She raised her arms in a  _ ta-da! _ sort of stance, and Harry giggled.

“Well, I’ll take it,” Harry said. “I hope you’re happy, though.”

Eyes widening and nodding her head as she chewed some of the bread she’d dipped into the artichoke-y cheesy mess on her plate, she eventually said, “I am. Much happier than before.”

“Good.” Harry smiled softly. “So what-”

“It’s time to go caroling!” Anne announced, shouting above all the conversations so she could be heard. When Harry turned around, she saw her mom standing on one of the kitchen chairs in the only location that could be seen from the kitchen, living room, and family room at the same time. “The books with the song lyrics are in the basket by the door. We should have enough for every two people, so be prepared to share! We’ll just go in the order the songs are in and start over once we’ve reached the end. Let’s go!”

Louis and Harry gave up on attempting conversation as they followed the masses to the front door. It was slow going as everyone bundled back up and grabbed their song books. Harry had put on her red coat, the one that automatically made her look like she actually had a shape thanks to the fancy skirt bottom it had, she was glad that was what she chose to wear tonight so Louis could hopefully admire her in it. Not that Louis was into Harry just because she had also discovered in college that she liked girls, but she could dream.

Turning around to see if Louis was ready, Harry saw Louis kneeling down to help the two toddlers Louis had seen playing in the living room when she arrived.

“Here you go, Dottie. Can you zip yourself up while I get Ernie all ready to go?”

“Okay, Achoo,” the little red-headed girl said as she fumbled with the zipper. She’d already put her mittens on, which made the whole thing even more difficult. 

“Here, let me help,” Harry said, rushing over to her. 

She quickly zipped up the jacket and had just patted her belly when the little girl said, “Who’re you?”

“Doris,” Louis said, chuckling. “This is Harry. You know Harry! We have pictures of her all around the house.”

Harry turned her head so fast she felt a twinge in her neck, but she was a bit lost. Why were there pictures of her all around their house? Sure, they grew up together, but outside of Harry’s room, Louis was only featured in a few photographs.

“Is she  _ your _ Harry?” Ernie asked, making Harry look down at the blond boy for the first time.

“Uh,” Louis said chuckling a little, even as her cheeks flushed a beautiful pink, “She doesn’t belong to anyone other than herself, love, but yes. She’s my best friend.”

Harry kept her eyes trained on Louis until she eventually looked up, nerves easy to see. Harry gave her a soft smile.

“Yeah, we’ve been best friends since we were your age, did you know that?” Harry said, turning to the two kids. “But I’m afraid your family moved before I ever met you. It is a pleasure.” She held out her hands to formally shake them and the kids smiled happily.

“I like her. You can marry her, Lou,” Doris said, before she ran off towards the door despite Louis’ choking sound.

“Oh my God, if you could please ignore them I would be eternally grateful,” she said, covering her face with her hands. They were beautiful and delicate, the chipped nail polish and signs of bitten cuticles exactly as Harry remembered.

“It’s okay,” Harry said. She wouldn’t ever forget it, though. Not when Louis’ little siblings had just said it was okay for them to not only date but get married. It was like Harry’s dreams were coming true.

“Yeah, so, those two were born about five months after my family moved,” Louis said as she stood up and put on her own coat. “Mom only found out she was pregnant a couple weeks before they left and hadn’t announced it to anyone yet.”

“They’re adorable,” Harry said, standing up herself and waving towards the door. They were the last two left inside, and she could hear the singing had already begun. 

“They’re menaces who only survive because of that fact,” Louis said, cheeks still pink. 

Harry giggled and snuggled up close to Louis before turning to the song everyone was singing. Louis had always gotten cold easily. Harry did as well, but Louis even more so, and they’d developed a system for sharing body heat while caroling the street from the time they were in elementary school. Harry was more than pleased that Louis fell right back into their pseudo embrace. Just like in years past, as Louis held the songbook, Harry had her arm around Louis’ shoulders, pulling her into her side. When Louis’ hands got too cold to hold the music, they would switch.  

Breath puffing as they sang - and infusing the songs with giggles while they chatted about happenings in previous years just as much as they were singing - Harry realized this was why she had missed Louis so much. There had always been a feeling of absolute comfort between them, and even their years apart hadn’t changed that. 

Caroling went faster than Harry felt like it had recently, but she ignored that. The only thing that was different this year was Louis by her side, and that always skewed her perception of time. Time flies when you’re having fun and all that.

When they walked back into the house, Harry saw Robin fully decked out in the Santa costume he’d lovingly cared for over the years. Louis’ siblings as well as other young kids went flocking to him. Louis rushed up to help her mom with her siblings, and Harry was more than happy to stand in the back, watching on fondly. 

“I talked to Jay,” Anne said, sneaking up behind Harry stealthily enough to make her jump and almost spill the punch she was holding. “She suggested that Louis stay with us tonight. Let you two catch up after all these years and everything.”

Harry slowly turned and looked at her mom, suspicions running rampant. “Mom, what exactly did you tell her?”

Anne shrugged and smiled while taking another sip of her red wine. “Nothing she didn’t already know.”

“God,” Harry moaned, letting her head thump back against the wall. “I should never tell you anything ever.”

“Oh, come on,” Anne said. “You might as well tell me. Even if you told Gemma, she’d come to me once you’d hung up anyway.”

Harry squawked. “I have friends other than Gemma I can talk to!” 

“Yes, but Gemma is always good at prying the good information out of you when you aren’t immediately forthcoming,” Anne said, eyes twinkling. Harry didn’t often dislike her mother, but she was getting close to it right now.

“I hate when you’re right.”

“Besides,” Anne said. “It’s Louis’ birthday and she hasn’t done anything to celebrate. Maybe this could count as her present or something.”

“Oh no,” Harry said turning to her mom. “I haven’t wished her happy birthday yet! I was so surprised to see her I didn’t think twice!”

“Hey,” Louis said, coming up to Harry and Anne, smiling. “My mom said something about an impromptu sleepover?”

Harry chuckled. “Yeah, we could do like we used to and play all our favorite Christmas movies while we talk through them to the point of not remembering anything. Happy birthday, by the way! I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything earlier.”

“Totally fine,” Louis said, blushing. “And that sounds perfect.”

Anne handed Louis a glass of wine and left Harry to her punch. “The basement is free and I’ve got enough helpers for clean up. Head on down and get started.”

Harry narrowed her eyes, wondering if her mom was letting her out of clean up duty for the first time ever as a way to make up for teasing her earlier, but herded Louis down the stairs before she could change her mind.

“Oh my God, it’s exactly the same,” Louis cried as she stepped onto the shag carpet. “I wondered if it would be, since Robin said he had been doing some updating upstairs and all, but it really does still look like the seventies puked in here.”

“I know, I love it,” Harry said as she pranced over to the DVDs. “Are we sticking with the classics or more in the mood for Hallmark and Netflix cheese?”

“Classics, obviously,” Louis said as she settled down on the couch. 

She always had loved the right side of the couch and used to claim it loved her back because it had molded itself to fit her perfectly. Harry didn’t much care what the excuse was as long as she was still able to snuggle up beside her like they used to. She had missed the cuddles with Louis and now that she was nearby again, Harry was craving them.

Harry grabbed one of her favorite claymation DVDs that had four shorts on it and popped it in. She turned around and started doing a stupid little dance to the music that played when the movie automatically started, but was interrupted when she could  _ feel _ her stomach move with the force of its growl. 

“Oh my God, what was that,” Louis asked, before giggling so hard she curled into a ball. Her eyes were little half moons with crinkles beside them and the back of her hand was pressed to her mouth in an attempt to muffle her laughter. “I’m sorry,” she wheezed between laughter. “But you really should feed that beast before it decides I’ll work for sustenance.”

“I hate you,” Harry said, trying to pretend she was unamused, but she couldn’t hold back her own smile. Not when Louis was clearly so happy. “I was so busy I forgot lunch and it’s now past nine without having had time for dinner, so I’m a bit hungry, alright?”

Louis’ giggles were still bubbling out of her, so she waved her hand at Harry and said, “Just go upstairs and get some mini weenies or whatever. I’ll still be here.”

Harry rolled her eyes and made her way upstairs. When she walked into the kitchen she found her mom and Robin already finishing the clean up.

“Wow, how’d you get everything taken care of so fast?” Harry asked as she made her way to the fridge.

“You’ve never seen kids move so fast to help with clean-up as when they think it’ll help Santa come sooner,” Anne said with a laugh. “Jay and the kids helped and just left.”

Harry nodded and got out her three favorite snacks. As she chose a decent amount for herself and Louis to share, she bopped to the Kelly Clarkson Christmas song that was stuck in her head until her mom spoke up.

“Okay, so since Louis is staying over tonight, have you checked that your room is clean? You haven’t stayed over since Thanksgiving and Gemma’s room is out of commission since it’s full of baby stuff at the moment, you know.”

Harry froze. Shit. She hadn’t thought about that.

“Right,” Harry said through her half chewed square of cheese. “I’ll do that once I’ve got this put away again.”

She hurried to get the food back in the fridge and snatched a few rolls while she was at it, then rushed upstairs with her plate of food so she could munch while she straightened up.

Her room wasn’t so bad, which was excellent news. She’d probably miss the entirety of  _ The Year Without a Santa Claus _ at this rate, and that was one of her favorites. Nothing made her smile quite as much as the Heat Miser.

She hurriedly straightened a few of the piles of books strewn throughout the room as well as the camera equipment she’d forgotten to put away, then hid the few dirty clothes she had left on the bed into the closet.

Lastly, she leaned over and took a whiff of the sheets. They’d only been used once in the past month or so, but she wanted to be sure nothing funky had happened with Evie and Dusty in the meantime. They didn’t smell fresh and clean, but they didn’t smell bad either, so she called it a win.

Grabbing the plate of food and heading back to the basement, Harry was trying to regain her breath after the rush about with the stairs as she heard Louis humming along with the opening to  _ Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. _

“You know it’s funny,” Louis said as she peered over the back of the couch. She’d spread out across the entire thing while Harry had been gone. “I used to hate  _ Silver and Gold _ as a kid, but it really is a pretty song.”

Harry hummed as she stood there and nodded at Louis. “And where would you like me to sit? I’m assuming you’ll either have your legs draped over me, or your head in my lap?”

“Of course,” Louis said before sitting up enough that Harry could sit. Once Harry was safely sitting with the plate out of the way, Louis situated herself comfortably on Harry’s lap.

“I brought you some dill Havarti,” Harry said as she munched on her own bite of gouda. “Lemme know when you want it.”

Louis immediately rolled her head to the side and opened her mouth like a bird.

“You know I could drop anything in there right now and it would all be your own fault,” Harry teased before dropping a square of the dill Havarti she’d promised in.

“You could,” Louis said as she chewed, “but you won’t.”

Harry shrugged, and as the movie played, she watched the shadows playing across Louis’ face. She was so beautiful with such ease. She always had been. When she teared up over how Rudolph was treated by the other reindeer, Harry also remembered how tender hearted Louis had always been and…

Oh no. No no no. Harry couldn’t afford this. Not anymore. She thought she’d been over Louis for years now! But fuck.

She was definitely still in love with her.

“Hazza? You alright? You got all tense there a minute ago,” Louis asked, her voice still a bit thick with tears.

Was she? Alright? Harry wasn’t really sure. The first night back with the girl who held all of her best memories after three years and here, Harry was ready to give her a ring and tell her she wanted forever with her. That was not okay. Right?

“Harry?” Louis asked, sitting up.

Harry’s eyes were wide and she gasped for the breath she apparently had been denying herself since she realized it.

Louis. She still loved her. Yes, of course she did. Louis was entirely too loveable, even when on the other side of the country and completely out of touch. 

“I just… had a bit of a realization,” Harry said, her brain whirling to catch up with everything it was processing. “Like, I think I’m still in love with you?”

Louis’ mouth dropped open a little, but Harry noticed she didn’t pull away at all, which was a good start.

“Wait, still? As in you were before?”

Harry blinked. “Fuck, my filter isn’t back yet, sorry, I just-”

Louis suddenly surged forward and tried kissing Harry, but Harry was surprised by the movement and had moved back, causing their noses to crush into each other a bit and Louis’ mouth definitely missed Harry’s, getting just the corner of them and her cheek instead.

“Shit,” Louis whined as she pulled back enough to tenderly touch her nose. Harry’s eyes were watering with the pain, but she didn’t care if she bled on the couch or herself at this point. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have just tried to kiss you out of nowhere like that.”

“It’s okay,” Harry said quietly. “So this means… you’re okay with it?”

Louis shot Harry a bit of a glare. “I wasn’t  _ trying _ to headbutt you. Did you really not realize I was in love with you in high school?”

“What?” Harry squawked. “I thought you were straight in high school!”

“Oh my God, you’re oblivious just like Zayn said,” Louis said with a fond smile. Her hand dropped from her nose and she moved it up to Harry’s cheek. “I hadn’t quite figured things out, but I was definitely not straight back then. Things were… confusing. Still are sometimes.”

Harry understood that. Most days she felt like she had a pretty good handle on how she identified, but she had decided that going without labels was best and easiest for her. She was uncomfortable with all of them, even the ones that were closest to how she felt, but sometimes that made things even more confusing.

“Listen, can we turn this off and go upstairs?” Louis asked. “I’m a little cold, and there’s a lot more we need to talk about before I get my hopes up about this.”

“That sounds ominous,” Harry teased as she stood up.

Louis’ laugh didn’t sound amused and she wouldn’t meet Harry’s eyes. “Yeah, well. It kinda feels that way to me.”

Harry stopped teasing at that. “Okay, yeah. Let’s get you warm and comfy and then we can talk.”

They made their way upstairs and found the Christmas tree still lit, everything ready for the big day and otherwise dark. Harry turned the lights off after Louis had made it more than halfway up to the second floor. 

Harry had energy buzzing under her skin. It felt like a Christmas miracle. Louis liked her back and it had been mutual all the way back in high school! She tried not to mourn those lost years. Louis was still nervous about whatever she had to say to Harry and she made it sound like it was a make it or break it situation. Really, as long as Louis wasn’t currently dating someone or something like that, Harry couldn’t imagine what it was that she could possibly say that would deter Harry from wanting to jump right into marriage and three kids in a house with a picket fence.

Once the door was shut, Louis quickly unfastened her bra and tossed in on Harry’s dresser just like they used to and, after pulling off her leggings, she climbed into Harry’s bed. Harry didn’t let her eyes linger for too long before she followed suit, just like she always did. Once they were in place on their usual sides of the bed, the heavy weight of multiple quilts helping Harry feel like she was secluded with only Louis, she offered a soft smile.

“I’m ready when you are,” Harry said softly. 

She watched Louis swallow, her jaw tense, before Louis closed her eyes for a moment.

“So I’m kind of ace?” Louis started. She paused and huffed a sigh before continuing. “Like. I am. I’m ace. But not like… full on ace? All the time?”

Harry’s brows furrowed. She was familiar with the term and had even looked into it for a brief period of time before deciding she didn’t think she was on the spectrum and moved on, but she wasn’t completely familiar with all the workings of it still. 

“Okay,” she said slowly. She was having a hard time switching gears, because she’d been expecting worst case scenarios and Louis identifying as ace was definitely  _ not _ one of those things.

“Like, okay. So the reason I was so confused in high school is I kinda was wondering if I would ever be interested in sex. It felt like it was all that anyone talked about at school, outside of us of course, and I just did  _ not _ want it. Like wasn’t interested. Was more than happy to keep my mom happy that I wasn’t going to get pregnant in high school kind of a thing, you know?” 

Louis was gaining traction now, her words coming a bit more confidently even as she was tripping over them still. Harry loved when she was like this. 

“Yeah,” Harry said, to assure her she was still listening.

“Yeah, but then I moved away to college, and it didn’t matter if it was guys or girls, I just was  _ not _ interested. Friends? Sure. Some people I even went on dates with because they seemed nice and I wanted to get to know them better, but then they’d make a move and try to hold my hand or kiss me or sometimes even cuddle and I’d freeze. I’d freak out. And I was so confused, Harry.” Louis’ eyes were finally looking back at Harry, and Harry felt the frustration radiating off of her as she continued. “Because I loved those things with you. I’d even thought about doing more with you before and I liked it then, so why wasn’t I able to handle it with anyone else? Or at least I couldn’t until I got to know them better.”

“So like, are you demi?” Harry guessed. It was one of the few terms she had actually been able to find information about in her google searches. She still didn’t fully understand it, but she did remember the title at least.

“Yeah,” Louis said softly. “I didn’t learn about that until about last year, though. I thought maybe I was just Harry-sexual or something, you know? Because I definitely was, and still am, interested in that with you. But maybe I was broken? Or like, then some days I didn’t want it with anyone. Even the thought of it with you made me feel all sorts of wrong. Anxious. That kind of thing. I couldn’t figure it out. ”

“What helped?” Harry asked. “I know searching online doesn’t get you far. I still know next to nothing about the ace spectrum because I couldn’t find shit on it there. I dunno if I wasn’t looking in the right places or what, but yeah.”

Louis was slowly relaxing and her foot had made its way between Harry’s legs for warmth. 

“There was this person handing out flyers,” Louis said. “On the quad. Apparently someone had said some pretty ace-phobic shit in a public forum on campus and one of the clubs was trying to spread awareness. It had some basic definitions and while ace-flux or ace-spike or whatever felt kinda like how I feel sometimes, the demisexual definition definitely settled firmly with me.”

Harry smiled. “That must have felt good to find a place that fit you and your experiences,” Harry said. 

Louis nodded slowly but still didn’t say anything. She looked pretty deep in thought still. 

“So what does being demi and whatever other kinds of ace you might be mean to you?” Harry asked. “I’m assuming this is all what you thought could potentially be a deal breaker for me. Which, by the way, it’s  _ not.” _

“Wait till I explain it some more before you say something like that, Harry,” Louis said, sounding small. She never sounded small. Harry hated that talking about her sexuality with Harry was making her sound that way. “It’s like. Okay so like, I’m into you. Sexually and everything. Which is, you know, fine and all, but like. Gah,” Louis covered her face with her hands. “It’s so fucking hard to explain all of this in words. I don’t have the vocabulary for this.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Harry said, reaching out and wrapping Louis in a hug. “No rush. Like I said, I’m ready when you are, but that isn’t me saying I need all of this tonight. Whenever you’re ready, okay?”

“I’ll be into sex sometimes, but not always. In fact, not like. A lot. And that’s like, not the demi side of me. That’s the other ace part? That makes things confusing? It’s called ace flux but I like. Yeah. Anyway, I don’t want you to get tired of me saying no at some point or something,” Louis said into Harry’s neck. “I don’t want you to get tired of me.”

“Babe. Seriously. That’s fine,” Harry said quietly. “You’re still Louis. That’s all that matters.”

Louis took a big breath. “You’re sure?”

Harry nodded. “How do you feel about kisses?”

“Love kisses,” Louis said with a sigh as she placed a small one on Harry’s neck. “I’ve kind of thought about kissing you since forever.”

“Well then kiss me, you fool,” Harry said as she pulled back and arched her brow at Louis.

Louis giggled and, much more carefully this time, moved forward. This time there was no nose knocking, and their lips met as they should have. It wasn’t foot-popping good and it wouldn’t set off any fireworks, but it was the softest and most tender kiss she’d ever experienced in her life. It felt like everything that made Louis so special, and that was everything Harry wanted.

“Merry Christmas slash birthday, Lou,” Harry said between kisses.

Louis breathed a little out her nose, witholding a laugh, and it tickled Harry’s cheek. 

“Merry Christmas, Hazza.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving girl direction a chance, much less mine. If you read this and liked it please consider leaving a kudos, a nice comment, and/or [reblogging the fic post](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/181438613533/youre-here-where-you-should-be-55k-by). :D


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